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what did we do for you to abandon all of us?
fuck you
i hope your plane crashes and you die
you fucking bastard
i dont care if you are my dad
ill never call you father or respect you like i did when i was a kid
you spineless coward how can you treat her like that
why do i take after you
i hope terrible things for you
how could i have ever looked up to someone like you
you treat her worse then i treat i girl ive dated and didnt have the balls to cut it off with (and to you im sorry, all of you i wont name names you all know who you are)
a 24 year marriage should at least have respect for one another but you dont even care a bit
fuck you
i havent talked to you since you told me first to hurt her more when you told her that you told me first
she gave up her first son to make you happy
and this is how you repay her
whatever life gives you i hope its worth it
she did everything for you
for all your christian bullshit you believe in you dont follow it and i hope you rot in you fictional hell for the rest of you life you coward
i swear to be a better man than you ever will be
i swear on my life i will never be like you again
never
im tired of hearing my mom cry over your pathetic ass
go move back west with your rich brothers
i dont ever want to hear from you again
youll never meet my kids (if i have any) or get an invite to my wedding (if i have one)
shes cries all day over you and all i can think is how bad i want you dead for it
you were never there for us anyways
jeff and i especially
i may come from you but i wont fucking BE you
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| Time: | 7:53 pm. |
| Music: | silence. |
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so my parents are getting divorced
i never had an actually talk with my dad until today when he told me this before he told her
today i can honestly say i couldnt even drink my sorrows away or drink myself to happiness
i really dont know how to feel right now ive never been so confused and i really dont want to talk to either of them
but i love my mother to much and my pops left her and i dont know what to do
i want to move away and be as far away from both of them as i possibly can
but im not sure if thats possible
i dont remember the last time ive been this depressed
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:01 pm. |
| Mood: | nothing. | | Music: | nothing. |
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i suck as a person
all i have is my squirrel
thats it
nothing else
and im not even sure if he loves me
i know im a fuck up but still
i am hallow
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
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Monday, October 6th, 2008
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lately i have lost myself
sorry for the bitching
hopes were raised to a level that were dropped drastically
and a bit of ouch we felt
but anywho
soon
everything will be ok again
practice in the morning
as for tonight
i drink myself to sleep
as usual
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Saturday, October 4th, 2008
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dear tragedy
this is the last day i will ever feel sorry for myself
i could leave you with a quote from a band i hate
but its against me
so im sure you can think of it for yourself
breathtakersmilefaker
my brother left his gf so thats good
and i also decided and all the text i want to put on my chest
done
givenup
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Friday, October 3rd, 2008
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oh and also
i need to save up money to work on my halloween costume
im aiming for megaman right now i think i might be able to pull it off if i can find the right gear....
i hope
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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ok so
my brother is now "thinking it over"
and his new plan is to bring the deadbeat and her 4 kids here so they can get an apartment
humm
hows he expect my mom to pay for all that
since he never has anymoney
oh and hes "going to get a part time job"
like he should have done years ago and never did
humm
humm
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Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
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guy says to his mom he says "hey mom let me borrow 100 bucks to pay my child support"
mom says to her son she says "here ya go"
next week
guy says to his mom he says "hey i need 600 bucks for new tires"
mom says to her son "sure here"
next week guy says to his mom "hey i need 20 bucks for something to eat"
mom says "yeah"
GUY DOES THAT EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR 3 YEARS AND NOW HES MOVING TO FUCKING TENNESSEE TO BE WITH A DEADBEAT 24 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF 4 WITH NO FUCKING JOB!!!!
HE MET THIS GIRL ON THE INTERNET 2 MONTHS AGO!!!!!
my brother is a fucking idiot
he just fucking dated a girl who kicked his ass out of the house after they were together for like 3 months
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Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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so lately i havent felt much like myself
but
i have decided to give up
and if i cant get any gas on my way to work today im going to be pissed
im sick of this shit and since im already pissy the thought of running out of gas on my way home tonight makes me even more pissed
my brains all jumbled and i keep doing the exact opposite of what i want to do
so i will just do nothing and wait
i finally watched a snake eat a mouse
it was kind of weird since im veg and all
but it was also kind of cool because iw as there for that pinkies last breath haha
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
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humm
hows about that
im not sure if that was a success
or if i just got my mind working more than it should
i hear good things but i just dont feel it
i mean yeah i feel it inside
but im not sure if its the same
i hear it is
and i hope it is
i want it to be atleast
i guess ill just have to wait and see
nothing but a mystery
eh
baysides where its at anyways
cigg time
and a night alone with my thoughts
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Thursday, September 18th, 2008
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charlotte for the weeeeekeennddd
mwoohahaha
wish me luck kiddos
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Monday, September 8th, 2008
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wait wait wait
do what?
really?
man
this is too good
and none of you know what im talking about!!!!!
youll know in 2.4 weeks
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Tuesday, August 5th, 2008
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sweet jebus life has sucked mucho nuts
but atleast i have a few extra bucks lately so i can afford a meal whenever
just been trying to stay occupied i spose
i dont know things have been kind of a bummer lately
confusion mostly and not knowing what to say when i know i should say something but thinking i shouldnt say anything just so i can stay somewhat in control of what could possibly be a situation that i want and dont want at the same time
eh i dont really know anymore and im not to sure if i really care
just know the ataris will always kick ass no matter what and i care not what anyone else says they get me through the hardest EMO stages ever
yes i said emo
and no im not emo
if you say i am
i know i magic trick i want to show you
and i work at staples so i have a lot of pencils
also im drunk
what else is new?
but other than that things are way bad ass i have a bookcase with like a million toys and YOU still owe me toys
yes you you know who you are
and no its not really a million maybe like 100 or so perhaps a tid bit more
hooray for the enter button
!!!!
!!!
1!!!!!!!!
1345636#$
666
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right now i hate just about everything
and im drunk
so most of my rage is directed towards you
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today will not be a good day
good ol being depressed...
i dont feel like a good person anymore
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| Time: | 12:10 am. |
| Music: | Rufio-one slow dance. |
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i kind of think i put myself in these positions
where im torn between
what i want to do
what i should do
and what my heart says
what is it that im supposed to follow
of course i could be thinking to much
do to the drinking and the fact ive been
so fucking depressed for the past who knows how long
i mean i spose im ok
but theirs only so much that ok will do
i wish it was this time two weeks ago
when hatred was all i felt
hatred and finally content with what i have
or actually the lack of
but for some reason
now all i do is second guess myself
who knows
damn me
and damn uncertainty
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Saturday, June 28th, 2008
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the past 24 hours
have been running through my head all day
how did i end up in this spot
again
all i want to do is sleep
ive realized that even though i really am better
your name just makes me weak
even if its not in reference to you
im going to bed now
i have to wake up at 5 and my laundry isnt finished
im not to sure if i want to handle this right now
so i say
le sigh
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killxtheleaderx's journal
frustrated.
indifferent.